Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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