Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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