You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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