So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize