I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
