Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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