Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this just has baby written all over it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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