apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
