Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
