i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
