dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
