I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
