sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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