I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
