Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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