FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
