i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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