Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He shit in the fireplace
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize