That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
