1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
