So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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