eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize