I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
