Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
