FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
