highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
