As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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