just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
