I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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