yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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