when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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