Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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