Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
