I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
