i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
