Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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