i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
