Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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