he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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