Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
