I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
