Cold hands, warm shart.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
