Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
