she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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