I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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