turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
