How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
