Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
