Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
