69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize