In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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