i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize