I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
