This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
