How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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