HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
