Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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