Define "chronic" masturbator.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
