Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
