he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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