when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
