I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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