I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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