LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
