I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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