I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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