I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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