I just pynch a tree in the face
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
