And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
