Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have fence marks all over my body
pray to the hookup gods
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He did a backflip because drugs
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