I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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