I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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