At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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