Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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